its okay to cry

you know whats disturbing? every pink song i hear on the radio makes me cry.

i'm not even a pink fan but all her newest songs have been about her divorce and i know exactly what she is saying in each of them. i know the devastation that she probably felt while writing these songs. i don't even get how she can perform them because i know i'd break down every time. maybe thats just how she deals with her pain, singing about it, writing about it? i don't know.

i do know that now i understand how actors and actresses can call up tears on demand, because at this point i think i could do that. i just have to go to a certain place, and there will be tears. someone once told me that actors sort of 'collect' these things. the sad things, or the things that will put them in some deep emotional place. the same person told me that you know you are an actor when your beloved pet dies, and somewhere in the back of your mind you are thinking that this will help you in your acting at some point down the line. i don't know if i went that far, i am just now thinking about it and its been a year since all of this started. more than a year now.

i'm learning that i can be 'ok', i mean, really 'okay' and still be able to cry when something makes me emotional. its not a mental breakdown, its just my life.