do it

recommendation

joanna newsom is so weird and good. it'll take you a minute, but you should give it at least 2.

its not fair

So Fast, So Numb
From: New Adventures In Hi-Fi

you're moving through rough waters,
motor boy,
and swimming in your sleep.
how could I be so blind, mis-sighted,
not to see there's something wounded deep.
anyone could scratch your surface now,
it's all amphetamine
you're blasting yourself into the present
to blur some past indignity, say that,

you say that
you hate it.
you want to re-create it

I've been around, I've been your lover.
I let it go, kill devil hills.
you're coming onto something so fast, so numb
that you can't even feel.

you're drinking raw adrenal baby,
and dosey dosey doe.
You're eating cartilage. shark-eyes. shark-heart.
all present tense.
boy, your blood is running cold.
listen. this is now. this is here.
this is me. this is what I wanted
you to see.
that was then. that was that.
that is gone. that is past.
you cast yourself, cast.
passed by, thrown down fast. you say.

you say that
you hate it.
but you want to recreate it.

I've played this round, I've played your lover.
I've played it out and to the hilt.
you're coming onto something so fast, so numb
that you can't even feel.

you love it.
you hate it.
you want to re-create it.
now this is here. this is me.
this is what I wanted
you to see.
that was then. that was that.
that is gone. that is what
I wanted you to feel.

you love it.
you hate it.
I'm spitting out the bitter pill.

I've been around, I've been your lover
I let it go, kill devil hills.
you're coming onto something so fast, so numb
that you can't even feel.

I've played this round, I've played your lover.
I've played it out and to the hilt.
you're coming onto something so fast, so numb
that you can't even feel.

you've played around, you played me lover.
I let it go, kill devil hills.
you're moving so hard, so fast, so numb
that you can't even feel.



(Berry/Buck/Mills/Stipe)

How do I,
Get through the night without you?
If I had to live without you,
What kind of life would that be?
Oh, I
I need you in my arms, need you to hold,
You're my world, my heart, my soul,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything good in my life,

And tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

Without you,
There'd be no sun in my sky,
There would be no love in my life,
There'd be no world left for me.
And I,
Baby I don't know what I would do,
I'd be lost if I lost you,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything real in my life,

And tell me now,
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

Please tell me baby,
How do I go on?

If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything,
I need you with me,
Baby don't you know that you're everything,
Real in my life?

And tell me now,
How do I live without you,
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

How do I live without you?

How do I live without you baby?

its okay to cry

you know whats disturbing? every pink song i hear on the radio makes me cry.

i'm not even a pink fan but all her newest songs have been about her divorce and i know exactly what she is saying in each of them. i know the devastation that she probably felt while writing these songs. i don't even get how she can perform them because i know i'd break down every time. maybe thats just how she deals with her pain, singing about it, writing about it? i don't know.

i do know that now i understand how actors and actresses can call up tears on demand, because at this point i think i could do that. i just have to go to a certain place, and there will be tears. someone once told me that actors sort of 'collect' these things. the sad things, or the things that will put them in some deep emotional place. the same person told me that you know you are an actor when your beloved pet dies, and somewhere in the back of your mind you are thinking that this will help you in your acting at some point down the line. i don't know if i went that far, i am just now thinking about it and its been a year since all of this started. more than a year now.

i'm learning that i can be 'ok', i mean, really 'okay' and still be able to cry when something makes me emotional. its not a mental breakdown, its just my life.

why do my nails grow faster on my right hand than my left?

i guess i never noticed because i've been biting my nails since i was a little kid. someone has suggested a radioactive nightstand, but i believe thats not quite it. perhaps its blood flow? i'm right handed so the muscles get used more....

does anyone have any ideas? feel free to post them publicly or email me.

i'm a horrible blogger. someone should slap me around.